We've Overcomplicated Self-Care
Self-care has become a buzzword. It's been commercialized, turned into a marketing strategy, reduced to bubble baths and face masks and "treat yourself" culture. The wellness industry sells us the idea that self-care requires money, time, and Instagram-worthy aesthetics.
But real self-care—the kind that actually restores you—is much simpler. It's not about indulgence. It's about intentionally creating space to care for yourself so you can show up for everything else in your life.
And one of the most powerful times to practice real self-care is in the evening, before you sleep.
Why Evening Rituals Matter
The way you end your day shapes the quality of your sleep, which shapes how you feel when you wake up, which shapes your entire next day. Evening rituals aren't just about relaxation—they're about closing the loop on today and preparing yourself for tomorrow.
Your Brain Needs a Shutdown Sequence
Think about your phone or laptop. You don't just slam it shut and hope for the best—you shut it down properly so it can restart smoothly. Your brain is the same way.
Without an intentional wind-down routine, your brain stays in "on" mode—processing the day's stress, replaying conversations, planning tomorrow's to-do list. You lie in bed physically but mentally still running.
An evening ritual gives your brain a clear signal: We're done now. It's time to rest.
You Deserve Time That's Just Yours
If you're a parent, a caregiver, someone with a demanding job, or honestly just a person living in 2026, your day is probably spent taking care of everyone and everything else. Your evening ritual is the time you reclaim for yourself.
Not because you "earned" it by being productive enough. But because you are a person who deserves care, and sometimes you have to be the one to give it to yourself.
What Makes a Ritual Different From a Routine?
A routine is functional. You brush your teeth, wash your face, set your alarm. Done.
A ritual is intentional. You slow down. You pay attention. You turn mundane actions into moments of presence and care.
The difference isn't what you do—it's how you do it. Washing your face can be a rushed 30-second chore, or it can be two minutes of gentle, mindful care. Same action, completely different experience.
Building Your Evening Ritual
Your ritual doesn't need to be elaborate. It doesn't need to take an hour. It just needs to be yours—something you can do consistently, that helps you transition from "doing" mode to "resting" mode.
Start With a Consistent Time
Pick a time to start your wind-down routine and stick to it. Not rigidly—life happens—but as a general anchor. This helps regulate your circadian rhythm and trains your brain to expect rest.
Set a gentle alarm if you need a reminder. "Begin evening ritual" at 9 PM. "Time to wind down" at 9:30 PM. Whatever works.
Remove the Screens
This one's hard, but it matters. The blue light from screens suppresses melatonin production, which makes it harder to fall asleep. But more than that, scrolling keeps your brain engaged and reactive.
Put your phone in another room, or at least out of reach. If you need an alarm, buy a cheap alarm clock. Your evening ritual should be screen-free.
Create a Sensory Anchor
Engage your senses to signal relaxation. This could be:
- Scent: Lavender oil, a specific candle, or a calming room spray
- Sound: Soft music, white noise, or complete silence
- Touch: Soft pajamas, warm water on your skin, the feeling of moisturizer being massaged in
- Taste: Herbal tea (chamomile, peppermint, rooibos)
The consistency of the sensory experience trains your brain: This smell means it's time to rest. This texture means the day is done.
Make Skincare Part of It
Skincare can be more than a beauty routine—it can be a meditative practice. When you wash your face, actually feel the water. When you apply products, slow down. Massage them in gently. Pay attention.
This isn't about achieving perfect skin. It's about caring for yourself in a tangible, physical way. You're not fixing a problem. You're tending to yourself with kindness.
End With Stillness
Before you get into bed, spend 2-5 minutes in stillness. This could be:
- Deep breathing (4 counts in, 6 counts out)
- Gentle stretching
- Journaling (brain dump the day, list 3 things you're grateful for)
- Meditation or prayer
- Simply sitting quietly and doing nothing
The point is to pause before you lie down. To consciously transition from activity to rest.
A Simple Evening Ritual Example
Here's what mine looks like:
- 9:00 PM: Phone goes in the other room, charging
- 9:05 PM: Herbal tea while tidying up (not deep cleaning, just putting things in place)
- 9:15 PM: Shower or bath—warm water, no rushing
- 9:25 PM: Skincare routine—cleanse, treat, moisturize, slowly and intentionally
- 9:35 PM: Put on comfortable clothes, dim the lights
- 9:40 PM: 5 minutes of journaling or deep breathing
- 9:45 PM: Read a book (physical book, not a screen) until I feel sleepy
- 10:00-10:30 PM: Lights out
Total time: About an hour. But it's my hour. No one needs me. No notifications. Just me, taking care of myself so I can sleep well and wake up ready for tomorrow.
When You Don't Feel Like It
Some nights you'll be exhausted. You'll want to skip the ritual and just crash into bed.
On those nights, do the minimum version. Wash your face. Put on moisturizer. Take three deep breaths. That's enough.
The point isn't perfection. The point is presence. Even five minutes of intentional care is better than zero.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish
There's this idea that taking time for yourself is indulgent or selfish, especially if other people need you. But here's the truth:
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
If you don't take care of yourself, you will burn out. You will become resentful. You will give to others from a place of depletion instead of abundance.
Taking 30 minutes to an hour each evening to restore yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. It's how you sustain yourself so you can keep showing up.
Start Tonight
You don't need to build the perfect evening ritual right now. You just need to start.
Tonight, pick one small thing:
- Put your phone away 30 minutes before bed
- Wash your face slowly and intentionally
- Take five deep breaths before you lie down
- Write down three things from today—good, bad, or neutral
Do that one thing. Tomorrow, do it again. Build from there.
Your evening ritual doesn't have to be elaborate to be meaningful. It just has to be yours.
Care for yourself so you can care for everything else. Building an evening ritual that restores you isn't selfish—it's essential.
